HEADLINES

Little League Baller :
A 5th grader in Indiana got in trouble this week for bringing $10,000 in cash to school which he had taken from his grandfather's safe. Unfortunately he couldn't go through with his after school plans of making it rain on Chuck E. Cheese waitresses.

Eeeeeevil Womaaaaan :
A 54 year old woman in Minnesota has been arrested for pulling a man so hard by the genitals that he required medical attention and several stitches. The woman is expected to get probation, unless of course she gets a male judge in which case she's looking at death by lethal injection.

First Time Long Time :
President Barack Obama surprised listeners yesterday by calling into a Washington DC talk radio station as "Barry from DC." Listeners were even more surprised when he begged for OzzFest tickets.

Vagi-gills :
A man was arrested at JFK Airport yesterday for attempting to smuggle endangered fish into the United States. Authorities were quick to react when they noticed an odd odor, and have already issued an apology to an innocent female bystander for questioning her feminine hygiene.

(Yup... That's what I'm leading into my MERRY CHRISTMAS with)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!