HEADLINES

Pee-U-I :
A Wisconsin man was sentenced to a year in prison this week for urinating on a police officer when he was pulled over for a DUI last year. The man has a whole year of confinement to think about what he did, and laugh hysterically.

Shore Thing :
Many sponsors have pulled their ads from MTV's "Jersey Shore" due to coming attractions which show female cast mate Snookie getting punched in the face by a man. One sponsor which is standing strong - "No Fat Chicks" t-shirts.

Oral Exams :
As reported yesterday, a female Spanish teacher, and female French teacher, were immediately fired from a New York school when they were caught having sexual intercourse in a vacant classroom. The school board has now turned its investigation to a suspicious pizza delivery boy and cable repair man.

Washington v. Redskins :
The United States government is set to pay Native Americans over $3 billion to settle a lawsuit filed in 1996. Due to the dire economic times, payment will be made in alcohol, Mohegan Sun chips, and tainted blankets.