HEADLINES

I Love You, 911 :
A Tennessee man was arrested this weekend for drunk dialing 9-1-1 just to talk. The man will be given a free pass, as he and 9-1-1 recently ended a pretty long and serious relationship.

North Korean Tuxedo :
A company in North Korea has just started distributing a posh designer jean; the first of its kind from the country's limited fashion industry. Unfortunately the jeans are designed for North Koreans, however, and need to be advertised to Westerners as designer jorts.

The Daly News :
Troubled PGA golfer John Daly, told ESPN this week that he really wants to produce a biopic about his rough and tumble life, and he says he wants Kevin James to star. The working title of the project is "King of Whores."

Zhu Zhu Horror :
It was first reported yesterday, that this years hottest holiday toy the Zhu Zhu pet, a motorized gerbil, may contain a hazardous metal which can pose serious health risks. In related news, Richard Gere's colon is in critical condition.

"John the Greek" -
Last night I had a vivid dream that the New Orleans Saints beat the San Diego Chargers in this years Super Bowl. If this comes to fruition I will direct you back to this entry. If it does not... well, you'll never see this again.