HEADLINES

Winter Wonderland :
In the early hours of Sunday morning a spontaneous snowball fight broke out in Time Square involving hundreds of people. It was all fun and games until a snowball hit the MTV building, and old man Kurt Loder called the police.

The Stork is Coming... and has Syphilis :
Media outlets are reporting that troubled reality star Tila Tequila will act as a surrogate mother for her brother. This couldn't come at a better time, as US Magazine is reporting that Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is the new Autism.

Spending Time with Tiger :
Amidst current controversy, Tiger Woods has lost his endorsement deal with watch company Tag Hauer. It's not all bad news, however, as he did acquire a new deal with their raunchy affiliate "Tag A Whauer."

Lethal Weapon V :
Hollywood actor Danny Glover has scrutinized President Barack Obama for not doing enough to help black people. Barack Obama fired back with three words, "Operation - Dumbo - Drop."