HEADLINES

I'm Dreaming of a Black Christmas :
A town in Italy is outraged about a public nativity scene which portrays Jesus, Mary, and Joseph as black. The town spokesman has apologized for the controversy and is set to display new figurines with olive skin, tank tops, and scally caps.

Titanic 2.0 :
James Cameron's much anticipated film Avatar will be released this weekend after nearly 10 years of planning by the director. The Sci-Fi community expects the film to be a definitive piece of cinema mixing the best of live action with groundbreaking CGI effects. The non Sci-Fi community expects it to be a three hour cartoon.

Mother of the Year :
A Colorado woman and her son are receiving recognition as business moguls for the success of their out of home business which grows and distributes medical marijuana. Like all business moguls, they drafted a mission statement, wowed investors, then sat around eating Pop Tarts and watching Nick Jr.

Year of the Poon :
Almost 3,500 Chinese people were arrested this week as part of a government sting to shut down illegal pornography sites. No word yet on where the people of China will turn now for their Caucasian fetish porn.