HEADLINES

Kitty Life :
A company is marketing a new "Cat Cam" which will allow cat owners to watch their cats when they are not home. This will be the first time you can look at a pussy on your work computer without getting fired.

Totes Tying the Knizot :
A Maryland man has under come scrutiny for updating his Facebook status from the altar during his own wedding last week. The man is expected to make similar headlines when he tweets from his annulment this week.

Alabama Slamma 2.0 :
An Alabama man was arrested yesterday for hiding in a Walmart after it had closed and attempting to rob the store's cash registers. The man has been arrested and charged with stealing ideas from Home Alone 2: Lost in New York.

Tommy J :
A graduate student who was cleaning out the library at the University of Delaware this week was astonished to find an original letter composed by the third President of the United States, Thomas Jefferson. The title of the letter was, "52 year old white man seeking some brown sugar."