HEADLINES

Isn't it Ironic... Don't You Think? :
This weekend in Florida, authorities arrested a man wanted for stealing a car, while he was at home playing the video game "Grand Theft Auto." In related news, a man wanted to for taking mushrooms and jumping on people's heads was found playing "Super Mario Brothers."

Gordon Gecko :
A small impoverished village in Indonesia has begun making money by selling a rare form of gecko, indigenous to their village. It's assumed that most buyers are looking to save money on their car insurance.

James "Money Bags" Cameron :
It is expected that by the end of the week, James Cameron's Sci-Fi adventure Avatar will make $1.85 billion worldwide passing James Cameron's last film Titanic, as the highest grossing movie of all time. When reached for comment, Cameron was busy wiping his ass with a $1,000 bill.

Mr. & Mrs. Split :
Internet rumors are circulating that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have both hired divorce attorneys to work out a separation agreement. Lucky for them, three of their six children came with a lenient five year return policy.