HEADLINES

Why Clef? :
Haitian born musician Wyclef Jean addressed rumors yesterday that the proceeds of his charity Yele Haiti are being misused. Said Wyclef, "Just cause I take your dough, dough - It don't me me a thief no..."

The "Garden Under Your Bed" State :
In his last day as New Jersey Governor, Jon Corzine signed a bill legalizing the sale and use of medical marijuana. Corzine then suspiciously walked into a screening of Avatar with sunglasses on carrying three bags of food from Sonic.

I'm Still Just a Nic in a Cage :
Actor Nicolas Cage is expected to pay $14 million in back taxes to the IRS this week, which could only mean on thing - Con Air 2: Poe Means Poe.

From Russia with Rough Love :
A major traffic jam occurred in Moscow this weekend when Internet hackers, hacked into a video billboard in a city square and played a pornographic film. No suspects are in custody yet, but police are suspicious of the two young men who had the foresight to set up a Vaseline and tissue stand.