HEADLINES

The Getaway :
Police in Pennsylvania have arrested a man who stole $50 from a woman in a Walmart then attempted to flee on a motorized cart which was owned by the store. No word yet on how the authorities cracked the case.

YES WE CAN(S)! :
A couple in Washington is planning to pay for their wedding by collecting and turning in cans for their refund value. They're just hoping their friends and families are cool with a BYOB reception at Arby's.

Born to Shun :
The New Jersey state legislature failed to pass a bill which would legalize gay marriage yesterday. It looks like you're going to have to wait at least one more year DJ Pauly D and The Situation.

This Sounds Familiar :
In last nights BCS Championship game, Garrett Gilbert, a highly thought of yet completely untested and unproven, fresh faced young man needed to take over for a Texas hero and face unbelievable odds which ultimately led to failure - earning him the nickname "Barack Obama."