HEADLINES

French Onion Splooge :
A man in California is suing a restaurant after finding a condom in his french onion soup. In defense of the dyslexic chef, he got confused by the instructions, "put soup in crock."

All Lockered Up :
A 20 year old German man had to be rescued this weekend after accidentally locking himself in a locker at a train station. Soon after being let go, the man accidentally gave himself a wedgie and held his own head in the toilet.

Dental Problems :
A woman in south Florida has been arrested after illegally running a dental practice out of her own garage. The southern woman had inspected 50 patients and roughly 17 teeth.

Rest in (Mexican) Pizza :
Gidget, the chihuahua who rose to fame in the mid-90s starring in Taco Bell commercials has passed away at the age of 15. Gidget will be memorialized by being cremated and served as a crunch wrap supreme.