HEADLINES

I Now Pronounce You Kelly and Kelly :
A Florida couple who share the same exact name, Kelly Hildebrandt, intend to get married this October marking the first time in United States history that this has occurred. When the expectant groom was asked, "What will it be like pleasuring someone named Kelly Hildebrandt," he replied, "Middle School."

Babies on Board :
A New York based minor league baseball team had a special promotion this weekend by filling the stands with pregnant women. The promotion went well until a fight broke out during the Seventh Inning Stretch-Marks.

We Landed on the Moon!!! :
Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the historic Apollo 11 moon landing when Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin spent 21 hours and 38 minutes exploring the moon's surface. The 80 year old Buzz Aldrin celebrated the historic event by spending 21 hours and 38 minutes trying to get off the toilet.

Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing. The 80 year old Buzz Aldrin celebrated by taking one small step into his Cadillac, and one giant leap towards the Denny's early-bird buffet.

Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing when American astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin touched down in the Sea of Tranquility on the moon's surface. The 80 year old Buzz Aldrin celebrated by landing in a sea of tranquility on his mattress's surface.