HEADLINES

Cupcake Madness :
A town in Minnesota broke a Guinness World Record last week by making a cupcake that weighed 150 pounds. Next for the town, making a 200 pound diabetes test.

Old Timers Day :
A World War I veteran died in Great Britain this weekend at the age of 113. The man's parents are devastated.

Dog Eat Dog :
Former NFL all-star quarterback Michael Vick was released from jail today after serving over three years in federal custody for his involvement in a dog fighting ring. While in jail, Vick learned the fault of his ways, having now seen the world through the eyes of a bitch.

(Another sodomy joke on a Monday?... well if you really want...)

Model Behavior :
A British male model says that he will continue to work as a model despite the fact that he is incarcerated in Queens for committing several robberies over the last year. The man will go from being in Guess to guessing who's going to be in him.

(HEEEEEEY-YOOOOO)