Bullet Proof Chest :
A New Jersey woman who suffered two gun shot wounds while at a bar last week claims that the only reason she was not killed was because of her love handles. In unrelated news, a woman's fupa saved her from a machete attack.
My Old Kentucky Home :
Politicians in Kentucky are pushing for the removal of a verse in the state's official oath of office which requires Pols to swear off 'dueling' which always causes the state house to erupt in laughter. A smaller group is pushing for the removal of the verse about 'screwing your cousin' which causes the statehouse to erupt in shifty eyed guilt.
Mire High Crub :
A Japanese airline is set to make 'women only' restrooms on their national and international flights. In related news, the mile high club in Japan is about to become a whole lot hotter.
Glass Ceiling Blues :
A recent study has shown that a disproportionate amount of women in positions of professional power rely heavily on prescription drugs. "That's really disappointing to hear," said one man in a position of power while blowing a speed ball off a hooker's hip.
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