HEADLINES

Pork for the Porking :
The President of Argentina told the men of her country to avoid the use of Viagra for impotency and instead use natural solutions like pork products. "Damn!!!" proclaimed Juan Rosenberg, Argentina's sole Orthodox Jew.

Fido-ski :
A dog in Poland was lost at sea and floated nearly 100 miles this weekend before being rescued by Polish fisherman. The dog and the fishermen then perished when their vessel took on water from its screen door.

10 Yards for Cross Dressing :
Male fans of the New Orleans Saints paraded down Bourbon Street today wearing dresses. "That's our bit!" replied the 49ers fabulous fan base.

Ripped Torn :
Hollywood actor Rip Torn was arrested this weekend and is facing jail time for drunkenly breaking into a bank with a loaded gun and passing out on the floor. Luckily for Mr. Torn, if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a 350 pound sodomist named Big Daddy.