HEADLINES

Don't Want No Short People :
A man from Nepal who stands 22 inches tall has launched a campaign to be recognized as the "World's Smallest Man" by the Guinness Book of World Records which would strip the record from the current holder who stands 28 inches tall. What will ensue is sure to be the most adorable altercation in history.

Doctor of the Year :
A doctor in Czechoslovakia accidentally left a foot long surgical tool inside a woman he was operating on last week. "Not the first time she's had foot long in her!" responded the woman's hysterical boyfriend while receiving a chest bump.

Has Anyone Seen Boner? :
Actor Walter Koenig, most famous for playing "Boner Stabone" on the hit 90s show Growing Pains has been reported missing and authorities are asking for help to crack the case. Their only lead is that Koenig was last seen getting into hilarious mischeif in the Seaver home circa 1993.

Double Threat :
Film director Roman Polanski was honored this weekend with the prestigious "Silver Bear" at the Berlin Film Festival. It was the end to a huge week for Polanski who received the "Crying Teddy Bear" at the annual Statutory Rapist of the Year awards on Wednesday.