The Pimp of the Senate :
Republican Scott Brown is set to be sworn into office this week as a Massachusetts Senator. It will be the end of a great week for Scott Brown who just successfully sold his eldest daughter for three oxen and a small plot of land.
Make it Rain, Your Honor :
A female stripper in Alabama was awarded $100,000 in damages by a jury today after a drunk driving incident that occurred after her boss made her drive home intoxicated. Unfortunately for the stripper, however, the jury paid her with singles they shoved up her ass.
Used Car Salesm... I Mean Heisman Trophy Winner :
This morning former Heisman trophy winning quarterback Tim Tebow gave the closing prayer at a prayer service with President Barack Obama. Things got awkward when Obama introduced Tebow as a, "man of faith, servant of God, and gigantic waste of a future draft pick."
NO-Ds :
Toxicology reports released today stated that actress Brittany Murphy died of pneumonia and heiress/socialite Casey Johnson died of complications due to diabetes. Heroin is waiting for its apology you low life gossip outlets.
GIVES GREAT HEAD-LINES.
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