HEADLINES

United States of .... Whatever :
An international poll released this week ranked the United States of America the laziest country in the world, making it official - Mexico is no longer considered a country.

Port-a-Party :
The authorities in Brazil are issuing fines for the first time this year for public urination during the annual celebration, Carnival. "It's really just an issue of moral decency," said a half naked drag-queen blowing his boyfriend while on PCP.

From Russia with Cyber Love :
Police in Moscow have arrested the Internet hacker responsible for putting pornographic videos on an electronic billboard at a busy intersection last month. The man is claiming his innocence, but he was caught white handed.

Blues Grass State :
An annual census found that residents of West Virginia and Kentucky tied as the "unhappiest people" in the United States. Polling may have been effected by outside circumstances, however, as Walmart had recently run out of above ground pools.