Wednesday, November 18, 2009

HEADLINES

Old School :
Police in San Diego are in search of an elderly man who has robbed five banks this week. Police suspect that the man is armed and incontinent.

It's 4:20 Somewhere :
A man in Colorado contacted the police after returning to his home to find a 24 year old man had parked in his garage and was watching his television in his underwear. In related news, the polls are officially closed for the "Stoner of the Week" Award.

Miss-ter Universe :
A sex tape has been leaked this week depicting two Miss Universe contestants having sex with a man. The two women both said they're terribly embarrassed and ashamed; the man said, "Fuck Yea!!"

He's Making a List, and Blowing His Nose in It :
Mall Santa Claus's nationwide are fighting Congress to get priority when it comes to swine flu shots, prior to the Christmas season. In related news, Native American Thanksgiving reenacters are still waiting on that small pox vaccine.

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