HEADLINES

Gum Shoe :
Police in Connecticut have reported a substantial rise in the number of chewing gum thefts in convenient stores statewide. The authorities have no leads at the moment but hope to get some answers by water boarding a 1st grader.

Dream Off :
Reports are circulating that Steven Tyler will officially leave the band Aerosmith. "Oh no!" declared 1978.

Philly Blues :
Quarterback Michael Vick has stated that he's unhappy with his position on the Philadelphia Eagles and was not told that he would be used only in wildcat formations when he was signed. Said Vick, "If I wanted to get rear ended I would've stayed in prison."

Open Sesame :
The children's television program "Sesame Street" marked its 40th anniversary this week with a celebration including celebrity guests, classic sketches, and a much overdo intervention for Cookie Monster.

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