HEADLINES

Jesus Christ! :
A Tennessee man is claiming that the face of Jesus Christ is continually appearing on the window of his truck. Even more amazing, Mary Magdalene is on his mud flaps.

Man Alive! The Man's Alive! :
Mourners were shocked yesterday when a Brazilian man showed up to what friends and family thought was his funeral after falsely identifying a corpse. There was rejoice, laughter, and the awkward task of ditching a stranger's corpse.

Take a Stab at It :
A Denver man who works at a Blockbuster reportedly stabbed himself this week and blamed it on skinheads to get out of work. The man has been arrested, and more importantly the good reputation of skinheads remains intact.

Miss Cali-Porn-Ia :
The former Miss California, Carrie Prejean, who was suing the pageant committee for allegedly taking away her crown due to her views on gay marriage, dropped her lawsuit after the committee supposedly threatened to leak a sex tape of her. Prejean said if she wanted her sexuality exploited, mocked, and judged, she would join another beauty pageant.