HEADLINES

Hold the Pickles :
A 72 year old Michigan woman retired last week after working at a McDonald's for four decades. The woman was honored with a gold watch, plaque, and 250 cholesterol level.

Make it Rain :
A New York City sandwich shop was shutdown last week after it was discovered that after hours it doubled as an exclusive strip club. Authorities became suspicious of the shop when the "Everything" came with a dirty thong and 8 crumpled singles.

Bite Me :
A Walmart employee was bitten this weekend after he attempted to stop a shoplifter. Lucky the victim was able to get 500 band aids and 6 tubes of neosporin for $9.99.

Slang Loose :
UCLA's annual slang dictionary was released this week and features the word "Obama" as a euphemism for cool or hip as in "that's so Obama." In related news look for "Biden" under euphemisms for idiot with hair plugs.