HEADLINES

American Idol Worship :
Earlier this week Paula Abdul announced that she was leaving American Idol by tweeting, "With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to Idol." I'd take the announcement with a grain of salt, however, as 30 minutes earlier she tweeted, "With vodka in my blood stream, I've decided to snort this zany bar."

Putin on the Ritz :
Russian President Vladimir Putin has recently released images of himself on vacation in which he is bare chested and riding a horse. The pictures confirm that Putin has the best chest of a world political leader since Margaret Thatcher.

From Boxing to Box-Waxing :
British boxer Rob Newbiggin has recently announced his decision to undergo a sex change operation to become a woman at which point he will attempt to get a license as a female boxer. While many in the boxing world think this is a horrible idea, Newbiggin would be the only female boxer with no testicles.

Slick Willy Style :
Two Asian-American journalists who were in prison for trespassing in North Korea arrived home yesterday after Bill Clinton flew to North Korea and dealt with feared dictator Kim Jong-Il. While the two women say there is no way they can possibly repay Clinton, they've decided to show their gratitude with a pedicure and free dry cleaning for a year.