HEADLINES

Italia Computer Faila :
A glitch on a four star Roman hotel's computer system made it possible to book rooms this weekend for 1 cent a night. The glitch is expected to bring a low brow tourist base to Rome who will spend three days looking for the Olive Garden.

Elephant in the Room :
A French tourist in India was killed this week after being trampled to death by a stampeding elephant. In related news, Indian elephants have been rated better hosts than the French.

Pyro Zero :
A 29 year old Japanese man was arrested for burning his mother's house to the ground after she threw away his collection of action figures. The man faces jail time where he will be deprived of life outside, friends, and the touch of a woman ... so pretty much nothing will change.

Burn One (Million) Down :
It is expected that the wildfires which destroyed nearly 80,000 acres of land in southern California this past week began with the ignition of a large illegal marijuana growing field. Said the first responders, "An entire galaxy can exist on the back of your hand, man... do you have gorditas?"