HEADLINES

Deer Lord :
The World Wildlife Fund has confirmed the discovery of a new species of deer weighing only 25 pounds and measuring 20 inches from shoulder to shoulder. The biggest benefit of the new species is the ease it will take suburbanites to scrape it off their bumpers.

The Twitter is Full :
Billionaire New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has begun to tweet in an attempt to stay in contact with and relate to the people of New York City, because what New Yorker can't relate to - "Puttin' new rims on the Rolls Royce, then off to the pad in Corsica for the weekend, l8r!!!"

Wedding Gowns Syndrome :
A Chinese bride broke world records this weekend by walking down the aisle in a custom made wedding gown with a train that was 1.2 miles. The blushing bride then retreated to the honeymoon suite where her new Chinese husband showed off his 1.2 inches.

Let's Get Ready to ... Decrease Our Sugar!!! :
WWE wrestler turned actor Duane "The Rock" Johnson has launched a campaign to help bring an end to diabetes. The Rock will face off against diabetes in a steel cage next month in a no holds barred, ladder match for only $35 on Pay-Per-View.