HEADLINES

On Guard! :
A school for blind children in Massachusetts announced plans today to create a fencing team for its students. "I think it'll be a great oppor..." said the team's coach before getting stabbed in the face.

Who Down with RNC? :
Members of the Republican National Committee are in hot water after allegedly running a $2,000 tab at a Los Angeles strip club. The men claim that money was simply going towards the young lady's health care anyway.

Ricky's Into Dicky :
Today 90's pop idol and Latino superstar Ricky Martin announced that he was a homosexual - putting a decade worth of speculation to rest regarding whether or not Ricky Martin was still alive.

Today 90's pop idol and Latino superstar Ricky Martin announced that he was a homosexual - In related news, William Hung was found wandering the streets inconsolable.

Today 90's pop idol and Latino superstar Ricky Martin announced that he was a homosexual - Luckily for Ricky, he is still the third least gay guy from Menudo.