HEADLINES

Realityin' :
Former Alaskan Governor and Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin is in talks with Mark Burnett to create a reality television show about her and her family. The working title of the show is - "Are You Smarter Than a Teen Mom Ice Road Trucker with Corky from Life Goes On."

Snow Me :
A family in New Jersey has come under criticism for making a sexually explicit female snowman on their property. The women in the town contacted the authorities when their husbands began coming home with chapped penises.

Hairy Situation :
A Deli owner in New Jersey is in hot water for allegedly putting a hair on the order for a police officer who had pulled him over for speeding in the past. In fairness to the man, it was not his intention to put a hair in the officer's food, it must have come off of his nut sack.

Too Chubby to Fly :
A passenger on a Southwest Airlines flight was arrested yesterday for masturbating in his seat in midair. The woman seated beside the passenger knew something was awry when she noticed his penis was in its upright and lock position.