HEADLINES

Mini Winnie Cooper :
Danica McKellar, the child star of the hit 90s show The Wonder Years, announced yesterday that she is pregnant with her first child. McKellar suspected the pregnancy when she heard Daniel Stern's voice narrating from her vagina.

Ex-Whore House :
A man in Mexico has opened the first ever retirement home for former prostitutes. Families of the women are finding it thoughtful and convenient, but have problems with the $500 an hour rate.

De-Flowered :
A female nudist in Colorado has come under fire for cutting her lawn in the middle of the day while in the nude. Authorities responded to the odd happening after noticing all of the town's men were outside whacking their weeds.

Suckerin' Sukitash! :
Parents in Washington state are outraged after an on demand Bugs Bunny cartoon for children led orderers to an explicit porno movie instead. It wasn't all bad, as it opened the door for that age old discussion between parent and child about why Elmer Fudd was bookaki-ing Bugs.