HEADLINES

Dino-Dung :
A renowned Swiss watch company has announced that they will make a $12,000 dollar watch out of a fossilized piece of dinosaur feces - because nothing say "class and sophistication" like a 200 million year old piece of shit on your wrist.

How Can They Read It? :
The local government of Green Bay, Wisconsin has announced that this decade the most often stolen street sign was that for Mullet Place. "Well, there's always next decade," said Rat Tail Lane.

Generation Sex :
The results of a recently released survey show that women last decade were far more sexually liberal than the woman of the 1960s. Still, however, no one can hold a candle to those strumpets from the 1890s.

He Gone Gone :
The shortest man in the world, a Chinese dwarf named He Ping Ping who stood just 29 inches tall, died this week of heart complications. Of course "heart complications" is Mandarin for "someone stepped on him."