HEADLINES

Oral-Well's Animal Farm :
A notorious drug kingpin in Washington state was arrested this week for running a bestiality farm where men used various farm animals to fulfill perverse sexual fantasies. The man will certainly serve time in jail where men will use him to fulfill perverse sexual fantasies.

Euro Not So Trash :
The Associated Press is reporting that tourists who have been stranded in European airports for as long as four days due to the volcanic eruption in Iceland have begun to bathe themselves in the public bathrooms. The occasion marks the first time in recorded history, that Europeans have bathed.

Gettin' Down with the Kardashians :
The animal rights group PETA is upset with member Kim Kardashian because she posed for a picture on the internet while holding a cat by the neck. They are thankful, however, that unlike the last time Ms. Kardashian showed her pussy on the internet, this time it wasn't pounded by Brandy's little brother.

No Means NFW :
A recent survey has found that 1/3 of American teenagers send 100 or more text messages everyday. When asked if they thought over-texting was having any effect on their day to day life, one teen responded, "OMFG. STFU. N! L8R."