HEADLINES

Three Ring Circustan :
The government of Turkmenistan has finally overturned legislation strictly banning the circus from coming to their country, passed nearly a decade ago - so now children will no longer dream of running away and joining the the public mob who stone whores in toe-less shoes.

Beast and the Beast :
Porn Queen Jenna Jameson is alleging that her boyfriend, Ultimate Fighter Tito Ortiz, beat her this week leaving her badly injured. The incident raises the question - if a porn queen and UFC fighter can't make it work, who can?

Hung Like a Miniature Horse :
This week a miniature horse in New Hampshire set the Guinness World Record as the world's smallest horse measuring 14 inches tall and only 6 pounds. The horse plans to break another record next week, by becoming the world's most adorable bottle of glue.

Jesus Christ, Monkey Balls :
A restaurateur in Indonesia was arrested this week for serving his patrons meatballs made from endangered monkey meat. The man plans to serve his time, then go back to serving rat meat like every other Indonesian restaurateur.