HEADLINES

Grey Card :
A group of older South African women, ages 60 to 84, have formed a soccer team in hopes of qualifying for a tournament in Michigan later this year. The chipper group of women, really put a face to the old credo, "it's all fun and games till someone trips over their own tits."

Little Orphan Anna Karenina :
A Tennessee couple have found themselves in hot water this week for sending their 7 year old adopted son back to Russia after deciding, they didn't wish to keep him. While morally depraved, there's little the authorities can do, considering the couple sprung for that 6 month warranty.

Dyke and Cover :
DC Comics is set to make history in the coming weeks by releasing a new adventure comic about the first ever, openly gay female superhero. The character will drive around in a Subaru Outback cleaning up the streets in between her duties as a high school field hockey coach.

My Little Whore :
People in the UK are outraged, after an upscale clothing store has begun selling two piece bikinis for little girls with padding in the chest. The store didn't help matters by selling the controversial item right next to the men's overcoats with pre-cut holes in the pockets.