HEADLINE

Send Lawyer, Guns, and a $5 Check :
An 89 year old woman stopped a would be robber this past Tuesday night by pulling a handgun on him and threatening his life - so Betty White's roller coaster year has officially jumped into high gear.

Anar Sex :
The New York Daily News released a study today which found that Asian woman ages 18 to 24 were most prone to have anal sex without using a condom. The study was conducted by a 15 year old who had just found his father's credit card.

The Circle of Strife :
A town in Idaho has decide to release wild badgers and skunks around lakes and rivers in hopes that they will work together to disperse the growing pelican population. "It's all going according to plan," snarled a wayward beaver.

Prematuris Ejaculaturis :
Amongst the 100 new species discovered by the World Wildlife Federation this year is an extra large slug, native to the island of Borneo, which shoots a "love dart" of calcium on potential mates. The Federation discovered the slug when it came to their door to tell them it was a sex offender.