HEADLINES

Bama Drama :
An Alabama woman was arrested this weekend after driving a van while her infant daughter was in a cardboard box tied to the roof. In the woman's defense, Alabama state law recognizes this child vehicular restraint method as the second most effective after duct taping them to the bumper.

Passed Gas :
Harvard University has rewarded a group of scientists for inventing a woman's bra which can be converted into a gas mask in the case of an emergency. So in the case of an emergency, expect to see men violently struggling to unhook their girlfriend's bras.

Fang Violence :
A woman in Florida was mauled by a pack of raccoons this weekend outside her home. Authorities say the woman was wearing colors which implied allegiance to the rival skunks.

The Splendid Splinter, splinters :
The frozen head of Boston Red Sox great and WWII hero Ted Williams was mutilated last week after an employee at the research lab where it's held attempted to remove a tuna can (which had frozen to the head) by swinging at it with a wrench. Said the employee, "I was hungry for tuna."

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