HEADLINES

Ouch :
A woman in Indonesia gave birth to a baby this week weighing 19 pounds and 2 ounces. Mother and child are happy and healthy. Vagina is sore and pretty much useless.

Crocodile Rock :
Italian police have confiscated a famous mob boss' pet crocodile which he used as an intimidation method to extort money. Looks like it's back to the more traditional intimidation method; pay me or I'll shoot you in the face.

Hooters & Cooters :
The new campaign to raise breast cancer awareness known as "Save the Boobs" has received an incredible amount of viral and mainstream exposure this week due to its display of large chested women in skimpy outfits. Having much less success is the new testicular cancer campaign, "Rescue the Nads."

Heir-y Anus :
A new 11 mile nature walk has been introduced in Germany made exclusively for nudists, because nothing says nature like a long walk, beautiful landscapes, and a stranger's taint all up in your face.