HEADLINES

The King's English, yo' :
George W. Bush was ranked atop a British survey of the biggest manglers of the English language this past week. Bush responded by saying, "I'm no Bill Shakespeare, but I speak English gooder than more others."

Ricardo Ver-Mont-elban :
Four youths were arrested this past weekend in Vermont for attempting to steal a giant novelty Chili off the top of a Chili's restaurant at 4 in the morning. The youths will be charged with attempted larceny and smoking incredible pot.

I'm With Stupid :
A judge in Ohio has sentenced a shoplifter to perform court ordered community service while wearing a neon green shirt that says, "I AM A THIEF." While passing down the judgment, the judge was wearing a neon green t-shirt that said, "I AM NOT A GOOD JUDGE."

Happiness is a Warm Guitar Hero Controller :
The Beatles Rock Band video game will be released globally today after the announcement of its inception nearly a year ago. If you play the game in career mode, it ends with an avatar of a small Asian woman breaking up the band.