HEADLINES

Betty Droop :
Veteran television actress Betty White joked on NBC's Today Show this morning that in her upcoming appearance on Saturday Night Live, she is willing to do anything for a laugh except for nudity - so if you want to see Betty nude, just look at the sleeve of a 50 year old leather jacket which has sustained serious water damage.

Time Scare :
The NYPD along with government officials are seeking a Pakistani man who is suspected of parking an SUV equipped with a explosives in Time Square this weekend. Bystanders immediately became suspicious when they noticed a Pakistani man who wasn't driving a cab.

Request Denied :
A middle school principal in Ridgewood, New Jersey is urging the parents of his students to close down their child's Facebook accounts and keep them away from the social network until they are 18. The principal's plea took an ugly turn, when a group of students waited for him in the parking lot and super poked him.

Not So Corky :
A survey of New York City charter schools has shown that their accommodations for special needs students is amongst the worst in the United States. Said one school representative, "By this time next year our cages will be twice as roomy."