HEADLINES

What's All This, Meow? :
An arrest warrant has been issued after a home inspection in Wisconsin uncovered a refrigerator with over 100 dead cats inside. Responded the home's owner with a shrug, "I'm just more of a dog guy."

Speling Erorr :
The locals of Stoughton, Wisconsin are up in arms after seeing that their town's name is misspelled on a $1.2 million dollar water tower with the artist having omitted the "T." Thankfully the town long ago dropped its original name, "Pentis."

Mark Zuckerberg Likes This :
Newly released documents reveal that the online social network Facebook made $800 million in profit in 2009. Adult Friend Finder made $50.75 in small combs and pubic shampoo.

Uh-Oh! :
15 million pounds of Spaghetti-Os were recalled by Campbell's soup and pulled off of shelves this week following reports that the product was tainted. In related news "Italian Night" was cancelled in every trailer park in America.