HEADLINES

Drunkey Business :
A chimpanzee from a zoo in Moscow, Russia was sent to a special rehabilitation program this weekend to ween him off of his reliance to alcohol. The chimp realized he needed help when he woke up one morning and he wasn't in a pile of his own feces.

No Underoos :
Earlier this week 5,200 people posed naked on the steps of the Sydney Opera House as part of a project by famed photographer Spencer Tunick. The photo shoot was going great until one man's shrimp ended up in another man's barbie.

Yankin' His Chain :
New York Governor David Paterson is being investigated for breaking ethics regulations by accepting tickets to go to a Yankees World Series Game. In fairness to Paterson, however, he was told he was simply listening to the game on a radio while standing on a crowded airport runway.

OMFG!!! :
The Israeli military called off a secret raid yesterday after a militant supposedly wrote about the raid on his Facebook status. The Israelis became aware of the situation when half of the "Palestine Rocks!!!" Page "Liked" the status.