HEADLINES

Bama Gramma' :
An 11 year old Alabama boy faked his own abduction last Friday because he didn't want to go home and show his sub-par report card to his parents. Fortunately the boy showed up safe and sound and his parents did not punish him, because they can't read.

Finger Lickin' Good :
Members of the animal rights group PETA are attempting to buy a recently abandoned jail in Virginia and turn it into a museum dedicated to chickens. It seems like a natural fit, considering the building has never been a stranger to cocks.

Handled It Like Manure Adults :
A fight between two neighbors in Michigan over stolen manure ended when one man retreated to his house for a shotgun and pointed it at his neighbor's head. According to authorities, the victim produced his own manure.

El Futbol :
The New York Jets beat the Houston Texans on Sunday with Mexican-American rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez at the helm. Not only did Sanchez put up great numbers and show great maturity, but he did it all for $2.85 an hour.