HEADLINES

Forget it Jake, This is Chinatown :
The owner of the famous Chinese restaurant Mr. Chow in New York is seeking to take legal action against a man named Phillipe Chow who opened a restaurant with the same name, and with a very similar menu. In Phillipe Chow's defense, there are only so many ways to prepare Cocker Spaniel meat.

Over the Hills and Far Away :
Greenpeace Activists staged a protest on Wednesday by displaying a banner on Mount Rushmore imploring President Obama to take action against the threat of global warming. Lets face it, if you want to stage a large scale, widely recognized demonstration, where better than in the mountains of South Dakota.

Mental Floss :
A Connecticut man was arrested this week after showing up to a dentist appointment completely naked. Said the man, "I simply wanted my cavity checked."

Rest in (Reces) Peaces :
In very tragic news, a New Jersey man who worked in a chocolate factory died yesterday after slipping into a vat of chocolate and drowning. The man's family has asked that in lieu of flowers, funeral attendees bring fondue sticks and fruit.